Exhausted
Things are beginning to happen quicker and quicker. No matter what I try to do, I can’t stop or slow the inevitable. I’m leaving. I’m leaving a placed I’ve lived at for ten years now. I’m leaving familiarity and security.
I’m going to go live with my mother.
I make it sound like its awful, don’t I? I haven’t seen any of my family in over 3 years. I think that’s where alot of my anxiety is stemming from. Of course, each day that I work on going through things and pack, the more that anxiety bubbles. Proof? I couldn’t sleep last night and ended up going to bed at 5 in the morning. I’ve made myself get back up five hours later to where my butt out and crash in the evening. When I tried to fall asleep last night, my mind kept roving around like a wild animal.
But I don’t think its just anxiety. I think some of it is mixed with excitement. Yes, I am leaving familiarity and security, but I’m embarking on an adventure into the unknown. Isn’t that something I’ve always wanted? Always said I needed? My mind keeps mulling over the endless possibilities and then picking out the ones I enjoy the best.
Anyways… update time!
Most of the downstairs has been packed and half of the loft has been packed and shifted to downstairs. I’ve spent my time getting rid of non-essential things, either tossing or donating it to charity. I’ve also been selling things on ebay, trying to pocket some extra emergency cash. I’m planning on grabbing a storage unit this week. I wonder how much my anxiety will jump then?
As far as grades stand, I’m still waiting on my Timber class. It’ll either make or break me. It was the last of my tech electives that I needed and I am not the greatest structural engineer. Based on that, I’ve decided that I’m going to start looking into Graduate programs for my Masters. And, here’s the thing, I always wanted to dive deeper into Geotechinical Engineering, but now I’m thinking Environmental (despite the chemistry ~_~). It reminds me of being back in preschool and being asked, “What do you want to grow up to be?” Back then, it was usually a teacher.
…which, is suppose to be my second career. That’s why I’m trying to stay with Civil Service. I’ve got 6+ years in and you can retire at about 20 years. What I wanted to do was retire at about 40 from being an engineer, get my teaching associates, and then teach until I die. What do I want to teach? Math. :D
More news, Joe got recycled and will be at Ft. Benning for another month. I am not surprised. He had a horrible cough still when he left and died during the PT. Then, the silly boy didn’t bring his cell with him (he was pretty confident he’d make it through the first round) and couldn’t remember my home phone. So, he kept calling my cell from a phone booth, leaving me messages, trying to get a hold of me. The thing is, my cell gets crappy service at home because of Murphey Dome (a really, really, really big hill), so my phone never rang. But, later that week, he got me at work, which really made my day.
He’s being so supportive and so encouraging about the different things I’ve been looking at and thinking about. It makes me love him more.
So, in closing? Some more fractal images.
So in some ways, I guess Karnov was right :P Oh! One last thing, if you haven’t voted, please do! I’ll be doing postwork on the winning image. The vote stands at: battle.jpg (image 1) - 3; poise.jpg (image 2) - 2; battle2.jpg (image 3) - 1 . Thanks to those who have voted!