Dream Silently

With how busy I’ve been, it’s hard to let things settle inside my mind. Yes, I’ve taken a few moments and had a good cry. I realize my last note was kind of in the dark. Most of you wouldn’t even know who Sinjin was.

My parents got him as a puppy when we were still in Okinawa, a multice, one of those little dogs with the really white fur that’s suppose to flow down in long terracess (like that ever became a reality for him). He really wasn’t the brightest dog, but he was in a good home, had a good family. I, mean, with my sister and I, he was always being played with or scorned. I’m sure some of you know how it is to have chores as a kid. And for some reason, taking the dog out was not one of my favorites (highly preferred over dishes though).

He had several problems, which could probably be traced back to cross breeding in his family line. He was eptileptic and quickly became overweight because of the medicine. He also had a brief fear of large dogs because he was nearly mauled to death by a german sheppard.

When we moved to Alaska, my father’s next base, things between my parents got rocky. I actually believe its because of the bipolar in my mother. The two of them didn’t know she wasn’t mentally sound and when they did figure it out, they were too stubborn to fix things. When it came down to possessions… that was a confusing matter.

Who gets the family pets?

Both Killer (also a departed member at the age of 18, feline frisky) and Sinjin were left with my father. Sinjin adored dad. And dad couldn’t go anywhere without him wanting to come. He couldn’t even come home without him hyperventilating. Then my father met his current wife and they ended up with Bear (another dog, who was abandoned because of my stepmother… a rather touchy subject with me). Seeing as Sinjin was originally my mother’s dog, heaven forbid he should stay with my father.

I know dad was sad when he gave Sinjin back to mom. I saw it and felt it for lack of a better description. And so, for the last 8 or so years, Sinjin grew old with my mother, eventually forgot about the abandoment of my father (he whined at the door for weeks, waiting for him to come back), and actually was a really happy dog.

My step dad took it really hard, according to mom. I guess he held Sinjin wrapped in a sheet and rocked back and forth, saying over and over again that they should of went to the vet when they knew something was off. I know I’ll survive, but I know that he hasn’t had alot of pets, or kept enough pets to bond with them. My mother claims to have not been hit by it yet, but I think she’s lying to herself. I could hear it in her voice that she wasn’t completely there. She’s been having a recent problem with controlling her ups and downs too.

Sinjin was 14 years old. I am seriously surprised he lasted that long. Themabarbitol (I hope I spelt that right) is a drug given to eptileptics that does serious damage to the liver. He was on it for many years until we were able to finally ween him off it, once his attacks weren’t that bad to the point where he never had any anymore. He was predicted to live to ten years.

I knew he didn’t have much longer when I saw him during my visit. He didn’t even remember me at first because he had a serious case of memory loss. He was also extremely light to pick up despite eating like a horse. And he was pretty much blind. In some ways, I’m glad I was able to stay with mom for a little while: come to grips and say my final farewells to the old man.

Although, I have to admit, this happened alot sooner than I had expected. I figured December as the soonest month.

So, today, sometime in the early morning hours, he passed away in his sleep, curled up in a ball. I asked my mom what they were going to do with the body. She said they would have the vet creamate him and then they were going to spread his ashes in the park.

I think that’s a fitting way to close his life out.

…she would have waited until after I was off work to drop this news on me.

Sinjin, the last living connection between my parents has died. And I can’t even grieve because I don’t want people at work to see me cry.

I’m tired. I think I hit the snooze button about 4 times this morning. Granted, I don’t have to be too work until about 7 today.

The last couple of days have been okay. Bore hole testing is kind of neat. They drill, I watch and wait. That’s all there pretty much was to it. We took samples every five feet. Then we cored when we hit rock. The two guys doing the drilling were pretty quick about doing things, and really quiet surprisingly. Not that you can talk real loud with a loud machine.

I’m sunburnt again. I can’t seem to escape that. And it looks like I might be going into work this weekend and giving JW a hand. Denver wants all the samples I brought back from test pitting sampled by monday. They’re freaking out of their minds. I brought back about twenty-eight 50 gallon buckets of dirt. It takes about 3 hours to process one bucket. Then you have to wait a day because two samples have to be dried back and then one washed and dried again. Thankfully they don’t need proctors or else LN would really be glaring at me. She’s the only one back in the lab currently. The rest of us are out in the field.

We are so understaffed. There are some things I wish I’d known before I started working for this company.

Anyways, I’ve gotta jet and get to work. We have more drilling to do later on, but the holes need to be staked first. Fun.

I’m still sick… and sort of coherrant. I can feel the tylenol cold kicking in and my body begging me to sleep. The bore hole testing was put off until tomorrow. It took forever for the drill to get mobilized. And it looks like I might be away for a while as well. I’m not sure, but the way KL started rattling off things, my head just started to hurt more.

I hate being sick. Worse yet, I hate being sick and working because I lose about 90% of the instructions babbled at me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, stay home right? I don’t feel sick enough to stay home and ontop of that, we’re undermanned this week since everybody took off on vacation or are out at the other various projects going on. Construction season is definitely the worst time of the year.

Enough ranting, is there anything postive to talk about? I got to hear from my long lostest lostttteest best friend, J. She called me today. That so picked me up. I miss hanging out with her. I guess alot of people from our gang that’s still got a year or two of college left were asking about me. Of course, she didn’t know I was in NV, she thought I was still in CO. So now she’s gotta go back and correct everybody on my location.

And she’s crazy… she needed two more credits to qualify for a part time position and what is she choosing to take for one of those credit requirements? A beer making class. I shake my head.

Anyways, it’s off to the sack for me before I fall over in my chair.

Hiking was thrown out the window come saturday night when my throat felt scratchy, half my head plugged up, and I was sniffling. I’m still sort of like that, but don’t feel overly bad. I’ll at least be functional at work tomorrow. Hopefully. DQ will be come my new best friend otherwise. We’re suppose to go back out to Midas to do bore hole testing and I don’t want to miss it. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t.

So, I’ve mostly been working on expanding my 3d library. It’s nice making double the amount of money I normally would be making at my last job. I can actually buy the things I have my eyes on. Like this. It’s sssooo pretty and if none of you have figured it out by now, I’ve a bias towards the Aiko 3 model. She’s my preferred female model to work with (next to stephanie petite).

I have been finishing setting up Shadowed Beauty. Its taking a bit of time because I had to figure out how to use Paypal for individuals to pay for an item and then be able to redirect to a page for download (like what you might see on a Sims 2 donation site). I think I’ve got it down, but, with the way its done, it’s going to take a bit of time to post individual links. Fun fun.

Some more things… well, nothing more for now. For any of you trying to grab Poser 5, don’t worry, it’s taking me forever to do and I’m on a broadband connection. Hopefully downloading times will improve later on in the week. One thing’s for sure, Daz was smart in using Cnet as a mirror. To bad E-frontier wasn’t just as smart. Then maybe we wouldn’t have this problem.