Dream Silently

We’ve lost heat in our lab trailer. I feel sorry for our lab hand, though he says he’s tough. I got the office to bring us out heaters until we can get the air fixed. It’s not a perfect fix, but gawd… our fingers don’t move stiffly trying to type on a keyboard at least.

Add in the problems for today, the Colonel backed into my truck this morning. I’ve been to two auto body shops and quotes are coming in a bit over $1000. Awesome huh?

I’ve been feeling blue of late… and lethargic. I keep waking up to dreams of Joe appearing at the front door step, back from his deployment overseas. But I know that’s not going to happen.

…like knowing you’re going on holiday in thirty minutes.

I actually could have started my holiday at noon today, but wanted to make sure I got my full 40 hours in so I wouldn’t have to take any personal time off. Things have been good. I feel happy and more or less content.

I’m not going anywhere for Thanksgiving. I’m going to chill out at home and get things that I’ve been procrastinating on finished. I’m probably going to take a few hours to get my paperwork caught up on my project too. Why not take advantage of the contractor being off for 4 days, where I can get computer work done without my phone ringing off the hook constantly? I keep telling KL that I’m going to loose the cell on purpose one day.

LN and I are going to cook and have dinner together. Then I’m going to paint a bedroom… some wild colors. :D It’s going to rock. I’ll be sure to share pictures.

I had an emotional break down the next day after I posted my last entry. To put it bluntly, Santa’s Helper has been put into his place and I AM the management of the project. The conversation that morning followed like this:

SP: What number did I leave off on the sand cones?
ME: Ten I think
SP: Are you sure?
ME: Pretty sure. Check the notebook.
SP: What’s your problem this morning?
ME: Huh? I’m a little tired and… (gets interrupted here)
SP: (dropping his voice to where it was like a father would talk to a child caught doing something they weren’t suppose to) Don’t you get snotty with me. I won’t put up with your attitude.
ME: (getting snotty for being accused of something I’m not quite sure of when all I did was answer a question because I also will not be treated like a child) I have been extremely good in my interactions with you these passed few weeks. Don’t you dare talk to me like that.

And I got up and I left. And the more I thought about how he talked to me, the more angry I got and the more upset I got. I ended up calling the field manager and leaving a message (him and a bunch of guys were on their way back from Denver for the something I haven’t had much freedom to talk about). He called me back after getting it and I broke down over the phone and told him that I couldn’t take being treated the way Helper treats me. KL showed up to site shortly after that and I hadn’t been able to get control of myself. And while I call him the biggest air head I have ever met, I give him props.

He was in the passanger seat, I was in the driver’s seat driving and crying and being a little on the hysterical side. He just let me talk and get it out. And I don’t think he gripped the passenger door once in my whipping around of corners on the haul roads.

KL had a chat with Helper. Helper has been interacting with a forced politeness to me the last two days. And if that is how it has to be, then that’s how it has to be. But the next time he treats me with disrespect, he’s out of there or I’m out of there. I’ve made that clear to both TS and KL.

One thing that KL did confirm - I am QC management. I am the one in charge. And Helper just has to deal with it.

And I should probably add hiccups too… I only had two beers so it has nothing to do with alcohol consumption, just a really strong need to belch… ooo, yes, I’m lady like.

So today, I wanted to bash the Colonel’s head into his dashboard. In my experience of placing riprap on a geotextile liner, you do not drive heavy equipment on it. Riprap rocks, especially if it’s only 6-inches thick, can puncture holes into it. Before I made Ames get off it, I called and verified what I knew to be true.

Boy, what a ruckus I raised. Of course, I also reinforced if they can prove to me that they won’t tear holes into the fabric, then yeah, drive all over it. And if it was a foot thick, I could fucking care less (your point pressure is at the top of displacement, by the time it would reach the bottom a majority of it would be dissipated, especially through a layer that’s a foot thick). The Colonel fucking argued with me on this (SOMETHING THAT IS BASIC STATICS). And I finally told him then go talk to the other sources that I consulted with and then get back to me. And as he found out, I was fucking right.

So, the reason I wanted to strangle him today was that he had the audacity to say I don’t have enough field experience and we should get someone who can show me how to do riprap that is less complicated than rocket science.

HE DOESN’T KNOW MY BACKGROUND! *chooses to keep a few colorful phrases to herself* I sized riprap layouts and helped with other things concerning measurement of riprap and other related QC activities. To assume I’m a fucking idiot is driving fucking nuts.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t of had two beers. I’m still upset about this… alot more than I thought I would be by now.

All I did was call him up because Ames was fighting with me on this and I told him that if he was fine with them driving on top and potentially ruining his final product, then so be it but to know that me and everyone else involved in this project don’t recommend it.

Ames got their way, but they also know that I will be spot checking them by pulling up rock at particular points. Part of me is very determined to find holes…

Anyways, so I got dragged out to wings and beer tonight. Met alot of new people who’s names I doubt I’ll remember… but hey, it was fun. They do it every week, so I figure I’ll participate. It gets me out of the house at least and it also feels like I have some kind of life outside of work…

That sounds pathetic doesn’t it?

The color blue use to be one of my more preferred colors. But, after talking until I was “blue in the face” today and the last few days… I don’t think its a favorite anymore. Crimson is more my color…

I realize that I am inexperienced. But, I’m not stupid and I would think 3 and a half months into a project that I have busted my ass on you would think that I would of proved myself capable in making a decision. The thing that has been irking me is that I’m not going to tell the client, “Yeah, we can make that material work.” I know my soils. I’m passionate about my soils. And when I say that something is crap… its crap. And I have been proven right over and over and over again. Maybe that’s why the Colonel likes working with me so much and doesn’t like it when I leave and he has to work with someone else. (Yeah, that blew me away… he fucking fooled me because I thought he was getting irritated with me because of my inexperience.)

Like the other day, I was down looking at where the mine will be hauling material to build up the embankment with two individuals from Mine Engineering. The mine had hauled some down feeling a hole that’s being referred to as the basin footprint. Well, they did a half assed job of placing the fill. So we were down there on Monday and I’m explaining to them how I understood things, how we needed to look at placing fill, what we should do to improve our ability to get compaction, etc. The Colonel happens to be passing us up on the fill the contractor has been placing, spots us, and decides to join.

He repeats everything that I’ve already said.

Do you know how that makes me feel? If he insists that he has to work with me on the project, then why does he show up and undermine my authority? He should be pleased that I’m taking the proper steps to get the project built correctly. He should be pleased that I am communicating and doing what I can to have a successful project, which includes talking to contacts he clearly doesn’t have in his own lists.

Like today, Santa and I were defending Little Helper. It has been raining the last few days and add in the fact that we are now in 50 degree weather, the stuff that we are digging out of one of the cuts is soaking wet and not drying out very well. We were 17% over optimum and as a result couldn’t reach our compaction requirements. I may not like working with Little Helper, but I know he knows how to do his job properly, so I’m not going to doubt what he told me last night (I had to go to another project in the afternoon and left site early). And there’s more than just these two has witnesses to what was going on. So, now we’ve dug down and grabbed samples to weigh back. I could of proved the moisture content of what we’ve been digging out by showing the paper and calcs we do out by hand at the lab. But apparently that’s not enough and neither is using a straight nuke gauge which is one of the most accurate devices to be used in verifying compaction and moisture.

And I proved I was right about material that the Colonel was trying to insist we could use as pipe backfill! It’s too fine grained and too high in plasticity. I told him to go and look at the flipping tables he requested that I attach to the end of the week daily report I do if he doesn’t believe me. And if he understands nothing about soil then to accept what I’m saying.

KL tried to support him and I showed him the files and he figured out that I was right.

GAW!

Maybe that’s why the Colonel likes working with me… no matter how he tries to punch holes in my reasoning, I always end up right in the end. And I don’t bull shit him or beat around the bush about something… not the way that KL does. He wants my opinion, I’m going to give it straight up.

Did I mention nobody likes working with him? And if it weren’t for me, we probably wouldn’t be getting half of the stuff we need from the other departments?