New vs. Old
I played cupid this weekend. I didn’t know the fruits of my labor paid off until this evening when I managed to get it out of Z. Her and N are now “seeing each other.” If this turns out to be a good match, I might take cupid hunting up full time.
In some ways I feel kind of jealous about it. There’s something about having something new to explore. It’s exciting and invigorating. You don’t know the boundaries, you have to discover them. Your stomach twists in knots with anticipation when you’re trying to push that edge out a little farther, or its like sticking your toes into bathwater to find if you can slip into the water comfortably or if you’ll have to pull back abruptly from being burned.
Joe and I had a discussion on this when I was visiting him… among other things. He, though this isn’t how he would describe it, panicked. He hadn’t realized we’d been dating for 4 years. And when it comes to our relationship there really isn’t anything new to us. Well, with the exception, he’s a lot more closed and I’m a lot more out there when it comes to socializing and am no longer afraid to meet new people. That scares me… that unknown when the newness has worn off. Will we grow bored of each other? Do I love him enough to make that kind of commitment?
Sure, he’s moving in and this will be the first time we’ll be living together for more than a few weeks. Granted, its amusing enough that everybody we meet already thinks we’re married by the way we act.
But… I can’t help but wonder… WHAT is love? Why does love have no rhyme or reason? How do you know you’re in love? It’s almost like trying to seek an answer to the truth of our existence.
Improbable. Inconceivable. Non-negotiable.
I do know one thing. I can’t imagine my life without Joe in it now, anymore than he can imagine it without me in it. And while we may not have the excitement of being new… we have the excitement of being old and being able to do new things together…
Being old does have it’s own kind of excitement. It also has a lot of rewards you can’t get from new, like security and familiarity, where you know what your thinking is understood without having to say a word and you have that feeling of knowing that you don’t have to face the world alone. Plus, the sex is better because someone old knows exactly what to do.
Comment by Kim — May 28, 2008 @ 3:34 am
Who is this joe guy what a loser! I am so increasing my allowance now!
joe (mr PANIC)
Comment by joe — May 28, 2008 @ 5:57 pm
Usually when I go Cupid hunting I find a short-sword made of cold-iron and arrows of fey slaying extremely useful.
Comment by Darvin — May 29, 2008 @ 6:47 am
Wow, Karnov, what a downer.
I much prefer the old comfort. Now I wouldn’t mind trying to relive the younger, new days but our backs may give out and it could potentially be embarassing, you know, being found all hunched over, not able to stand straight. Wait, that sounds all wrong.
Comment by badsheep — June 2, 2008 @ 9:55 pm
Kim - That’s kind of what I was keeping in mind.
Joe - You know I love you anyways, despite the sarcasm :P
Darvin - *shakes head*
B. Sheep - You drive a good point. Granted, I think I’m still in my young years at the moment ;D
Comment by lore — June 3, 2008 @ 8:38 am
Hey… faries and cupids are good xp… and make a good stew.
Comment by Darvin — June 4, 2008 @ 8:47 pm
I would just like to say that I am totally digging the purple I’ve been seeing in blogs lately. It looks really pretty.
Second, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have asked myself those very questions. I don’t think anyone ever really knows what love is because it keeps changing and evolving.
I usually ask myself how much would I do for him, how far would I go? When that answer changes, I know that I need to re-evaluate.
Comment by Faythe — June 9, 2008 @ 8:26 pm