Kitten Terror
There’s been alot going on. A lot of changes. Its weird having someone at home everytime I come home. It’s not a bad thing. About the only thing we’ve fought about is the cats. I have an abundance of tolerance since I view them as not knowing any better when it comes to territorial issues or having bouts of energy to terrorize the house with. Joe on the other hand, wishes he could send them through kitty bootcamp to give them some form of discipline. They’re young cats though… they’ll grow out of it eventually. As a result of the bickering this weekend, we are not getting a puppy in the near future.
No tolerance for the current young ones in the house, then no more animals, and definitely no kids in our future.
I’ve been working on my writing again. I snag a few minutes here and there, not nearly as much as I need though. I reopened my account over at Writing.com. If you look in the Drafts folder, you can see what I’ve been working on. Looking for feedback as I’m in the middle of rewrites :) On a side note, I merged my writing site back into this site. Just not enough time to maintain two sites at once. Yes. ME. I said it. NOT ENOUGH TIME. Yeah, surprises me too.
I have pictures from Baja that turned out beautiful. I’m going to add them to the site this weekend, hopefully, using a new plug in for picture viewing… if it works *crosses fingers*
Other than that… things are going. I’m content.
Yes Mom. You’re still a weirdo :P
On the cat front, I’m sure they will win in the end and you and Joe will eventually become their personnel.
Always good to get back to something you love so I’m glad that the writing started again, here’s my feedback.
The special ones: I love the way this poem seems a tad frivolous in the way it is written but the content deadly serious. The grouping together is another clever way to keep me reading, starting with remembering and moving onto determination, which is a follow on from remeberance, (by the way perseverance is spelled wrong). Then the last two lines, first about openness followed by dark secrets which left me wanting and also left the poem with an openness. I feel though that this poem deserves closure by making the beginning and the end include some sort of familiarity for example.
First line: My friends I love, you are so special
Last line: So special are my friends: I love you.
This doesn’t quite fit but I hope you get what I am trying to say.
Rag doll: I like this one, very visual and could have gone two ways with the ending. Your ending left me smiling, oh to be a child again, ne’er a thought of danger. The second ending could have left the reader with sadness if the child had died. Might be a good exercise to see if you can also end this poem activating sadness in the reader. I also feel that the sad ending should be written in present tense so as to further the sadness by revealing that it has just happened. Last point is in the first two verses you use the word while, you could use this in the third verse to bind the three together “while watching as she jumped” or not use it in the second one. I would personally have used whilst instead of while (it feels more poetic to me).
On second thoughts maybe the first poem should remain open.
Oh well, I hope my thoughts are of some interest to you, take care.
Comment by Rick — July 23, 2008 @ 1:44 am
The kittehs always win! Ever see that show on TLC called “It’s me or the Dog/Cat”? =) Joe will get used to little reaper soon.
Comment by Darvin — July 23, 2008 @ 4:34 am
OH DAMN, you figured me out…
Comment by Breeze — July 24, 2008 @ 6:07 pm
Rick - Thank you for the suggestions. It made me laugh about the second one with the word “whilst”. The book tells us to avoid language that seems “poetic” as it is a sure sign of falling down unless you can use it in an effective way. I don’t think it would work in this poem without several words being manipulated as such… it kind of loses its meaning to me at least.
Darvin - Actually, no… I haven’t been watching a lot of tv as of late.
Breeze - You know it!
Comment by lore — July 26, 2008 @ 7:39 am
Ah, yes, the joys of trying to combine two persons into one household. At least the cats are the point of contention. He’ll get used to them.
Comment by Kim — July 27, 2008 @ 9:25 pm
My wife had 1 20 year old cat when we moved in together. The cat has always loved me since we have been dating.
Then we (my wife) decided we wanted a pet bunny. (i take care of it pretty much).
Then she wanted a second kitty. The kitty is the most ornery thing ever. I love this kitteh too. It seems to cling to me all day.
Then we took in a little dog that needed a home.
I am wondering what we are going to get next.
Comment by Darvin — July 28, 2008 @ 6:50 am
I think it has something to do with my love for “Ye olde English”. I’m forever reading Shakespeare, Chaucer, Yeats, Wordsworth and Byron.
Shakespeare once wrote:
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Perhaps I’m just romanticizing the past but doesn’t old English seem more poetic. I can still imagine this sentence hitting the hearts of many a buxom wench even today.
I once wrote this to a girl:
If you asked me to describe beauty it would be easy
For all I would do is describe you.
For some reason this has not the same poetic feel to me.
But anyway, after reading your comments I think you are right, I don’t think your poem lends itself to the word whilst, unless changed
Comment by Rick — July 29, 2008 @ 12:48 am
My two kitties won over Indy. He was always a dog person but luckily, my cat’s craziness rubbed off on him and he loves them. At least he does when I home.
Comment by Bad Sheep — August 11, 2008 @ 6:51 pm